Saturday, October 9, 2010

Catch 44

- Hello, is this the Interior Ministry of the State of Israel?
- Yes, sir. How may I help you?
- I wanted to find out about my request for family unification.
- Family reunification? What do you mean?
- You know what family reunification means! I am a Palestinian living in Nablus, my wife is an Israeli citizen who lives in Nazareth. We got married five years ago, and still you do not allow us to live together and start a family.
- Start a family?
- Yes, a family. You know, buy a house, have children, is it not a natural aspiration?
- There are all kinds of opinions about that, depending on the political situation. Never mind about that now. You know you should provide a lot of documents and certificates?
- I gave you all the certificates, months ago. Everything, exactly according to all your laws and regulations. It took me an enormous lot of effort, running around to get everything. What more do you want?
- You know that we have a new law. You must pledge allegiance to Israel as a Jewish and democratic state.
- Okay, okay, I will declare whatever you want. To end this hell I would even declare that the moon is made of green cheese. Well, then, here goes: I hereby solemnly declare my allegiance to Israel as a Jewish and democratic state. OK? Can I now go to Nazareth?
- Wait a minute, sir. Do you understand what you have declared?
- I have declared that Israel is a Jewish state. You have rabbis and a Jewish tradition and Jewish holidays, Passover and Hanukkah and Yom Kippur. Very nice. But how does this concern me and my wife and our home in Nazareth?
- It does, very much so. Perhaps you noticed that you also swore allegiance to Israel as  a democracy?
- That certainly does not bother me.
- It might not bother you, but it very much bothers us. We are a democracy. That means that if too many democratic Arabs vote in our democratic elections, it will become difficult to elect a Jewish Knesset which will establish a Jewish government. In short, even without you we have got a bit too many Arabs here, and we don't want any additions. So kindly turn back to Nablus and stop bothering us.
- What is this? You are crooks!
- Sir, you are
posing to me a demographic threat. I have a clear principle, never to talk to anyone who threatens me.