Friday, November 26, 2010

The Legend of the Child and the Bird and the Lion and the Soldiers

Once upon a time there were two nice young soldiers who along with their comrades-in-arms went to pour cast lead and fight terrorism and conquer the city of Gaza. And the soldiers encountered suitcases suspected of being booby-trapped and did not want to risk their young lives in opening them and preferred an eleven-year-old boy which they found there to risk his even younger life in opening the suitcases. And the child was very frightened but, fortunately for everybody, there were no explosives in the suitcases and no one got blown up in this location. (Only in various other locations nearby).

And then the Cast Lead Operation came to its end and the soldiers left Gaza and they thought that this story was finished and done with. But a certain bastard judge named Goldstone came all the way from South Africa and published all over the world a nasty report and reopened all kinds of stories which were considered closed, and then the Israeli Defense Forces also started probing some of these stories. And thus, the two nice young soldiers arrived at the military court and there the nasty judges found them guilty. And then all their friends and their comrades-in-arms and their commanding officers came and demonstrated outside the courthouse and held up the two nice young soldiers as the model and pattern of stainless young heroes and expressed anger and irritation at soldiers being so absurdly charged with war crimes just because they had committed all kinds of acts in the course of a war. And all the soldiers and officers as well as a lot of politicians firmly demanded that the court which dared to find two nice young soldiers guilty would take a great good care not to go too far and by no means send them to any actual imprisonment. Otherwise the judges themselves, they said, and also the army's advocate general, and his people, and all the other leftists, would all be charged as traitors and stickers of a knife in the nation's back and collaborators with the nasty anti-Semitic Jew Goldstone.

In the meantime, while waiting for the learned judges to render their verdict, we have some moments to dip a bit into Jewish tradition and hear the parables made by the Great Sages of our people. Oh, what does this remind of? It's like the time when a bone got caught in the Lion's throat, and the Lion's attendants called upon a Bird with a long beak to push his beak into the throat of the King of the Beasts and remove the bone and be suitably rewarded. And the Bird went and did as they had requested, and then he asked for his reward. And they said unto the Bird, go to the Lion and he will hand you your reward. And the Bird went to the Lion and asked for his reward, and the Lion laughed and told him, you got your life as a gift. When you stuck your head into my mouth I could have swallowed you whole. Who can ask for a greater reward? And you, Child from Gaza, what is this chutzpa to complain that the two soldiers got off with a suspended term? You were in the hands of the Most Moral Army in The World and you are still breathing, is that not enough? And all of you over there in Tel Aviv, what is this that I read in the paper, that conscription rates in your city are exceedingly low and even Tel Avivians who do go to the army are not keen on joining combat units? What are you, dodgers? Shirkers? Are you in Tel Aviv not patriotic? Are you not Zionists? Do you not love your country? Are you not ready to go to Gaza and find Palestinian children to open booby-trapped suitcases? Shame on you! At least, take care to participate in the great campaign of the great newspaper Yedioth Ahronoth, and choose from a list of thirty-one combat units in the IDF the combat unit which you like best, and contribute by SMS ten Shekels towards the aid and comfort of the fighting combat soldiers of this your favorite combat unit. What, not even that? You guys are really hopeless.